William H. Ropes
1906-1973
She's so homely you'd think she would smother,
And her back view is just like her brother;
Her eyes are both bent,
And her nose is a dent;
But then, "She's so good to her mother!"
There was a young person of Tottenham,
Whose manners, Good Lord! – she'd forgotten 'em.
When she went to the vicar's
She took off her knickers
Because, she declared, she was hot in 'em.
There was an old sculptor named Phidias
Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
He carved Aphrodite
Without any nightie,
Which startled the purely fastidious.
There was an old icthyosaurus
Who lived when the earth was all porous;
But he fainted with shame
When he first heard his name,
And departed a long time before us.
There was a young maid of Detroit,
Who at driving her car was adroit.
But her speed was too great,
And her turn came too late,
And so the young lady was hoit.
There was a fair maid named O'Neil
Who went up in the great ferris wheel;
On the thirty-fourth round
She looked down at the ground,
And it cost her a five dollar meal.
